藍色藥丸

因為某種形式上的失去,或假設那是一種轉化
就像吃下蘋果後理所當然的就要被趕出伊甸園
因為失去原件的擬仿結構早已因為失去神話所以開始泡沫化
那當然是一種所謂的"個人奇觀"
而在那樣的奇觀裡神聖性卻是吊詭的不站在作者那邊
因而產生一種悲劇性,這種悲劇性又埋藏於某種平淡且現實的靈光裡
我們可以想像那或許是某種典型的80年代小說

而目前的處境是,去媚化的解構理論,批判理論,和直接面對社會的接軌
靈光理所當然的被否決,不僅是論述面的否決
而是實際面的也因為那畢竟是種無實體的想像而已而逐漸消散
其實可以大方的繼續強化那種奇觀效果,或是接受紅色藥丸
那樣的痛其實是同等的,並沒有所謂的比較好,單純是一種選擇

"在也不能這樣下去了" -巴特說
在某種情境裡,"在也不能這樣下去了"的真正言語其實是"我真希望能這樣下去"
因為真正的不能繼續其實是不必被當作口號說出來的
換句話說所有的感嘆詞都掉詭的指向其反面,正因為你想繼續,但又發現不能
這時候才會將那樣的困惑用言詞再現出來

而假使我們企圖用所學去面對這樣的局面時
當所有的鬼魂與靈光都被當作某種幻見時
當我們真的企圖用政治性的思考去切入時
那麼....

靈光是抽象的,紅色藥丸是擺在眼前的

唉

Time... Only time can erase the memory of our love
(and all those dreams that won't come true)
yesterday I walked the streets
today I run the disbelieve
from the memory of losing you

Yesterday... when we were young
our love was new and we had fun
(playing games and wondering what to do)
now yesterday is gone from me and all I have our memories of loving
and then somehow losing you

sometimes I let my mind drift endlessly
and in the wind face I see (smile gently as you turn to pass)
the love that I once had for you is gone and so is the meaning too
I guessed it really never had a chance to last

if you remember me and see me running through your memory
don't be afraid to turn and look my way
(coz' i'll be there)

for just a while to catch the sunshine of your smile
(to last me for another day)